Change can be profound, often serving as the catalyst to propel us toward our true destinations. Yet, navigating through change can feel like hell. Let me begin by acknowledging multiple feelings of our journey—a path marked by exasperation but now brimming with excitement and a resolute sense of purpose: to revolutionize the fashion industry. For those unacquainted, I am AK Brown—bearer of numerous titles, bestowed upon myself yet validated through merit. – am the co-founder and fashion editor of Advisor. I think I always wanted to be in fashion media, from my start as a fashion blogger to getting my master’s in communications, the idea of having my own fashion magazine was a no-brainer (Devil Wears Prada is easily one of my top 5 favorite movies). I’ve dabbled into fashion PR and soon realized I wanted to be able to control the narrative not only for myself, but to host a platform where small creatives, and now Black creatives could have a chance at having their work seen. The name PinkMuse came out of thin air, or more so from the tequila that was in my cup as I laid spread eagle across my bed drunk, but hey it was something I could spin, and pink is my favorite color so it worked. Our goal – start a submission-based fashion editorial magazine with cover stories that featured St. Louis fashion creatives and could rival other local publications in aesthetics, content, and overall representation.

That all lasted (technically) a year and a half and our future looked quite bleak, I’m not even going to lie, our first obstacle was how tainted our circle had become. People are users and abusers, and our magazine opened up the portal for toxic behavior to take place. That, coupled with my lack of discernment because I was in this naive place that changing my behavior to be a better human meant I had to give everyone a chance backfired so damn bad. There were people we worked with or that I allowed in our camp who should not have had access to the brand, the IPs of the business, or just me as a person and my team. It forced me into a dark place, with feelings that I am still battling today. I became depressed, and would have random crying spells because my mind kept asking “What did I do for people to treat me like this” or “Why do these horrible things keep happening to me?”’ My trust in professional relationships became shattered and I felt like everyone wasn’t genuine and it shouldn’t have been like that. In addition – as my platform became bigger and I was granted access to more substantial and career-defining places, spaces, and opportunities – I had to learn quickly that I couldn’t, and still can’t be as reactive as I would like to. I’m someone that calls out toxic behavior (with receipts) and tries to make people stand on the bullshit they project into the world.

Toxicity in the fashion industry is something I do not tolerate and try to change so that others feel more comfortable finding their footing in our field. But in doing so, and specifically with this situation – I couldn’t speak out the way I wanted. It was taking a toll on my already fragile mental state and in order to get back to the better version of myself, the happy version, I had to leave it alone. This was something that was supposed to be fun, and to help our team collectively and individually step into roles we wanted to have and grow as professionals. But instead, it was a complete shit show.

Drama wasn’t our only obstacle. Point blank, we were broke. Media is an expensive business and in the early stages of development everything came out of our own pockets because you guessed it – we weren’t generating a profit yet. So any costs you could think of (photographer fees, shipping materials for magazines, rental equipment fees, location rental fees, etc) all paid for out of our incomes (for the ones who gifted us services and bartered to developed partnerships – we appreciate you all more than we can express). When PinkMuse was established I just got into fashion education and was still trying to recoup the money I wasn’t making from the job I lost during COVID. On the outside looking in I was one of the fashion IT girls of St. Louis, but in all reality, I was struggling just like everyone else. So to be a struggling creative while trying to fund a business you so desperately believe in with no money is a catch-22, the worst one.

Drama plus being broke started up a cycle I know we all go through being in this industry, at least once. I found myself falling out of love with fashion and I wasn’t bouncing back to my “why” as quickly as I’ve done in the past. Quite frankly – I had contemplated just saying “fuck it all” and going to work from home for an insurance company, or some type of call center job. Less headache, less frustration, more sanity, and peace of mind. But in my heart of hearts – I knew I wouldn’t be happy and would most likely self-sabotage in order to make my way back to fashion (any job I’ve quit has most likely been because of that). I think the biggest obstacle we faced was wanting to be perfect presenting when no one asked us to. So when things didn’t go well my anxiety forced me to retreat and then try to people please to make up for the mistakes or just normal hiccups small businesses go thorough. It became a heavy mountain sitting on my shoulders that didn’t go away, and it seemed easier to just shelf the magazine and not have to deal with it all.

The decision was made to shelf the magazine shortly after our 6th issue with numerous printing hiccups and just an overall distaste of everything we’ve dealt with. I was disappointed in the direction our business was going, the lack of progress we’ve made, and our efforts didn’t feel authentic. I was over it. I had a pity party and had my moments of pouting, bitching, and feeling sad but decided this was going to be fixed. I knew this idea was needed, but didn’t know how to fix the shaky foundation of it all. Then one morning I had a call from someone who is now our content editor (with over 10 years in the game from a media and publishing perspective). I flat out told him “hey, these are the issues we’ve faced, this is where we are, but I still feel like there’s something there with this magazine idea but I just don’t know what it is”. He says “why don’t you turn it into a fashion business journal?”. Genius. That’s the only word to describe it, him, and how his mind works. It made perfect sense and all the lightbulbs in my head flickered on in the brightest watt possible. Probably a day went by and I had the foundation fixed, was ready to execute, and the answer was right in front of my face as it’s been an issue I’ve talked about time and time again, and stemmed from the root of PinkMuse and other businesses I started. That problem is in the current fashion, PR, & media landscape there is the lack of an authority brand that solely reports on news, business insights, trends, and relevant stories that matter to the Black fashion community, told by the Black fashion community. The purpose felt more intentional and that we were going to fill in this big gap for creatives just like us.

The last thing before we were ready to pull the trigger was finding a name, and if you know me – thinking of business names pisses me off. However, the word “Advisor” was in my head for about 6 months, and I had pocketed it because I simply didn’t know what I was supposed to do with it. I originally wanted to use the name or the term“Fashion Advisor” for a podcast channel that would host my personal podcast as well as other content from fashion creatives but now with this new idea, it rolled straight off the tongue and possessed the feeling and aura of authority that really represented the brand.

Throughout this journey of starting a magazine, failing at the original concept, and reattempting – I had to relearn my confidence and felt myself constantly reminding myself “You’re a visionary and you’re meant to do amazing things, don’t like anyone take that away from you” – and interchangeably rapping very loudly “Yeah Glo” on repeat (the whole song is a bop and a word). Shit is going to be hard, and what’s meant to be won’t be easy to start – but Advisor. is something our entire team knows will change how the industry sees and celebrates Black fashion creatives. I’m not sure if we’re the first, and we probably won’t be the last, but damn it we’re the authority – and we’re ready to show the industry just that.